Talking to God

I was four years old, playing with my dolls when it happened. My Grandma was doing laundry and singing to herself, when I had the sudden realization that everything was perfect, exactly as it should be, because I was here. At the same time, I understood that if I had never been born, everything would be just as perfect, but in a whole different way. Not exactly a normal epiphany for a child, or even most adults, but I understood it completely, and felt its truth in my very core. I thought oh good. Everything is perfect, I can go now.

Having no idea where I should go, and using all the options available to a four-year-old, I put a dress on my dog, packed my doll in a play suitcase, and headed for the park. This was a very small town in 1976, and the park was only two blocks away. It really wasn’t that daring of an adventure. Besides, where else would I go?

When I got to the park, I sat on a bench and wondered what now? I was immediately surrounded by a blinding, white light, and several “beings”. I assumed this was God, even though it seemed odd that God would appear as multiple and androgynous… but I supposed God could appear any way He chose. That’s the prerogative of being omnipotent.

The communication that followed was a mixture of visions and meaning conveyed without a medium, like just knowing something without hearing or seeing it. The basic message was this: Would you be willing to help us out? Your life wouldn’t be as “fun” as a normal human life, but it would mean a lot to us. Sort of take one for the team. I agreed, and asked what to do. They replied just keep your heart open. Then I experienced the crucifixion, the weight and pain of that life of service, emotional weight, spiritual weight. Then I felt the release from the body, and the incredible contrast of freedom and love as my spirit soared. Then it was over. Just like that. I was just sitting in the park.

As I got up and started my short walk home, my body felt so very heavy. I though to myself starting over is such a bummer. My mission has always weighed heavily on me. At the same time, I never felt special. It was years before I even told my Mom about my experience, because I thought everyone got a mission. In my mind, you learned to walk, then you learned to read, then you got your mission from God, then you started Kindergarten. I was four. Made sense to me. I was eight or nine when I started to realize not everyone was aware of having a mission, so I told my Mom about this experience and asked her if it was normal. Apparently not.

Almost forty years later, I still remember it like it was yesterday, but my interpretations have changed a bit. Instead of God, I think it was my guides contacting me. Instead of asking me to take on this mission, I think they were reminding me why I came. It has been the defining moment of my entire life, and my understanding of it expands and evolves all the time. But I do think the directive is exactly as they stated: Just keep your heart open. 

One Response to Talking to God

  1. Carol Schloegel says:

    JUST KEEP OUR HEARTS OPEN… the reverse of a ego defending defensive life journey… TRUST AND LIGHT!!! THANK YOU!!!%

    Liked by 1 person

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