Emotional Clearing

Everyone I talk to is going through a deep emotional clearing. This makes it sound like lots of tears and turmoil, but it could be just insights you never had before. For me, it’s an insight, followed by seeing the pattern in my whole life, followed by a wave of nausea. At this point, I just want to crawl into a hole, to avoid the dysfunction of any relationship. It feels endless, even though I understand it’s just a clearing. Add the physical ascension symptoms, and it’s been a rough week.

I lean toward the codependent (empath) side of the narcissist trap, but just enough for the initial attraction. I highly recommend the book ‘Whole Again’ by Jackson MacKenzie or a youtube video about the Human Magnet Syndrome (Ross Rosenberg)   . I know there are truly unstable people out there, but I also believe most of us fall on a spectrum. Instead of seeing good guys and bad guys, it’s most beneficial to know we all have some elements of dysfunction. The important parts are awareness and effort to heal. If someone won’t put in the work, just walk away. It feels like a good time to repost this…

~The Empath and the Narcissist~

There are so many articles out there right now about the toxic relationship between an empath and a narcissist, obviously written by those who have been hurt, and feel manipulated and betrayed. I have a different take on the situation. Saw that one coming, didn’t you?

First, let’s change the labels of the groups. No more good vs. bad stuff. Instead of empath we will say awake (soul driven), instead of narcissist let’s say asleep (ego driven). Language matters. We can reduce the polarity, as well as provide a much more accurate assessment. Not only that, but I personally know people who are empathically gifted (they can physically feel other people’s emotions), but are very much asleep.

Second, know that all of us operate on a sliding scale between the two, and we change position regularly. We can be very awake, then suffer a loss (like a death or an illness), and go back to sleep to avoid the pain. People self-medicate all the time with alcohol, social excess, and promiscuous sex to avoid living consciously. Being awake can be tough. We all check out from time to time.

Third, and probably most importantly, we need to understand that most manipulative behavior is subconscious. People (generally) don’t consciously manipulate; that takes much more energy and planning than most are even capable of. The ego, however, has full access to the power of the subconscious, and will do anything to avoid harm. All of us are manipulated by our own egos, to some extent. It still isn’t right by any means, but thinking someone is consciously manipulating you is giving them way too much credit (and power).

Communicating with those still asleep is almost impossible, at least about anything important to the relationship. Ego defenses go up, and rational thought goes out the window. This is where we get all the passive-aggressive behaviors, and the emotional manipulation. Ever try to voice a concern about your feelings, only to have your partner turn it around, and point out how hurt they are? This is the kind of subconscious behavior that runs the muggle world. You can’t break through their ego shield, but many of us keep trying for way too long.

Another issue is projection… mostly on the part of the awakened person. See, we think projection is limited to negative stuff, but it isn’t. As we awaken, we get more sparkly, and we tend to see our own Light reflected in others – we see Light that hasn’t been embodied yet. The fact is everyone has an amazing soul, but not everyone lives from their soul. When you begin to live from your own soul, you see the highest potential in others. I don’t mean “he would be so successful if he just had confidence,” I mean “Wow! He embodies the Divine Masculine!” In reality, he could embody Divinity, if his ego wasn’t running the show. It is entirely up to us to distinguish potential from embodied reality.

I think the hardest part for the awakened one in these relationships is taking full responsibility for getting sucked in, having to leave, and not repeating the pattern. In other words, to awaken even further, become more aware, and reclaim our personal power. It’s tough to admit there were signs you ignored. It’s not fun to know you allowed this damage to happen. Forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for being human. We all do crazy things for love, even forget who we are. You always get lessons in the process. You will heal.

Instead of a list of things to avoid, I want to offer a few things to pay attention to. As we become more aware, we can make choices that support our evolution.

Do actions and words mach the sparkly soul? We all have off days, and no one is perfect, but is there constant negativity going on, in word or deed?
Are words followed by action? Do they do, or just dream? We all need a little daydream in our lives, but plans require action to materialize.
Are they consistent? Again, we all have off days, so don’t expect perfection, but intermittent reward is a major ego trick. If some behavior is really important to you, and the other person agrees to it, it should be a permanent change. If it only changes briefly after a fight, that’s a big sign.
Is communication open? Are you comfortable raising concerns? If your communications are filled with tears, blame, and guilt, then there isn’t much actual communication going on.
Do you both own your baggage? We all have baggage, but insisting the other person carry yours is completely unreasonable.
Are you both dedicated to becoming better people? If you are both dedicated to your own evolution, then you can help each other grow, instead of tearing each other down.

There are those who see the signs, but think they are strong enough to wait for the person they love to wake up. It just doesn’t work that way. People don’t wake up by following your example, people wake up by shock. Keeping someone safe in a relationship is just giving them a warm blanket to keep sleeping under. I’m so sorry – this one is really hard for me, too – you can’t awaken someone before they are ready. Ever. And forcing yourself to stay at a lower vibration will cause suffering and illness. It just does. The only way out, is out.

The awakened soul must reclaim their power by forgiving themselves, being clear with their boundaries, and letting go of those who are still sleeping. You will heal. You will love again. But first, you must come to terms with the situation. Leave them to their slumber, and move on. Reclaim your power.


A special thanks to those who have donated (donate button on the right) – it really helps! If this info is helpful, you can follow my blog (lower right side of page) to have posts delivered directly to your inbox, or you can follow me on Facebook. You may also enjoy my books, Waking Up Indigo and Walking In Both Worlds, available at Amazon!

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* Your Unique Path *

Although I have always promoted the idea of being yourself, and honestly I’ve done that pretty well, there is always more growth to be had. We never stop growing, because evolution (or ascension) is an ongoing process. We always see with fresh eyes, as we ascend the spiral of spiritual development. That said, this past week has been full of epiphanies for me. I am never the only one going through this, so I want to share the more profound stuff, in the hope it will prompt your own revelations.

Humans pattern themselves subconsciously by exposure. We learn to be how, and who, we are. Add to that the cellular information given to our bodies, and it’s no wonder things “run in the family”. Not only physical characteristics, but personality traits. Yes, with introspection we can see some of these learned traits, but more pop up as we keep digging. And dig we must, or we never truly live our own lives.

Add to this formative and traumatic events. These can come from someone close, or not. We spend much of our subconscious energy on either trying to be like, or not like, someone else. But who are we? That’s the million dollar question. Even if we choose to emulate someone we admire, is that authentic? How can we tell if we are really aligned with our unique selves?

I have an Uncle who spent his entire life trying to imitate the loving devotion of his Mother, and the charismatic wit of his Father. He failed. He was a pale shadow of his parent’s beauty. What’s worse, he never found himself. It was a life un-lived, always trying to fit himself into someone else’s shoes. I’m sure he had gifts of his own to share.

In my early twenties, I was really trying to be as loving as my Grandma, with little success. She was an amazing woman that truly shaped my life, and died when I was 18. When I realized I couldn’t be like her, I actually wept. I knew I had to live my own life, or continue to feel the failure of trying to be someone else. Eventually, I came to the thought that she was amazing because she was so very her. I decided the best way to honor her memory was to be so very me.

I thought I had been doing that, I truly did. Then I read a book called ‘Whole Again’ by Jackson Mackenzie, for a totally different reason, and traits I picked up from my Mom started standing out. Once again, she was an amazing woman, because she was so very her. This time, I wasn’t consciously trying to imitate her, I just picked up some of her traits as a child. I only now see how far from my own path these traits are.

I started realizing some of my reactions weren’t even my own, but they sure sounded a lot like my Mom. After I gathered together some of the seemingly unsolvable inner conflicts, I could see clearly the conflict was in trying to live her path, as well as my own. We have very different paths. Both beautiful, but very different. She died in 2010, but I’m quite sure she would want me to be fully me.

Even our numerology points to different life work. She was fiercely independent, while I am here to work in partnership with others. She had a lot of struggle with authority and power, but probably due to all her inner work, I don’t have that one. The part in the book that tipped me off was about codependency. She had issues with it, while I have always felt I have two voices in my head on that one. Makes sense now. Her voice, and my voice.

When these dots aligned, I felt such a wave of energy through my body. Warm, and happy, and light, with lots of giggles. It’s like my body said “Finally! Welcome home!” Listen to your body. It knows more than we do, and it’s always trying to steer us toward our path. If your body isn’t healthy and happy, really make an effort to see where your ego or subconscious is out of alignment with your path. And when you find your way back, plan on purging the old. I haven’t had nightmares in years, but this past week has been like my subconscious is vomiting. Really unpleasant dreams.

The healing never ends. We just do what we can with the layer we’re on. Keep reading. Keep taking classes. Keep doing the work of remembering who you truly are. Everything we do brings us closer to our unique path.


A special thanks to those who have donated (donate button on the right) – it really helps! If this info is helpful, you can follow my blog (lower right side of page) to have posts delivered directly to your inbox, or you can follow me on Facebook. You may also enjoy my books, Waking Up Indigo and Walking In Both Worlds, available at Amazon!

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* How the Other Half Thinks *

This is my version of men are from Mars, women are from Venus. I love to watch how people process information, and I love when others share their insights with me. This topic had to be pointed out to me, probably because I think in a more masculine way. Sometimes. We all have both masculine and feminine energies and habits at play, regardless of gender. And for the record, this writing is about mental processing, and nothing to do with gender or sexual identity. I will separate the groups into men and woman, but only for simplicity. If gender terms bother you, think of the groupings as electric and magnetic, or linear and circular. Again, it’s really just grouping by processing style, not necessarily by gender. I want to share these insights, so we can all become more aware and balanced in our thinking.

Women tend to start with the big picture, then work down to the individual. Men tend to start with the individual, then work up to the big picture. Think about this a bit. If you are always shaking your head at people staring at the opposite end of the argument, it may just be a processing difference. Let them work through the layers, and they will (probably) find their way to where you started. This was a huge revelation for me, and really strengthened my communication skills.

Another fascinating tidbit is how we work. My Mom pointed this one out to me, and it has saved me so much exasperation! Women think an endless “to do” list is normal, and if you aren’t moving, something is terribly wrong. Men tend to have one task in mind at a time. They like to plan for it, prepare for it, do it, then celebrate its completion, before moving on. Let’s look at our caveman history…

Once upon a time, the men were responsible for bringing home a kill, to feed the tribe for weeks. It was important to plan and prepare for this task. The survival of a whole tribe depended on this one task. And when it was done, it was celebrated by all for days. (side note: Men generally are more able to hold a single focus, and have more developed spacial awareness.)

Meanwhile, the women were responsible for keeping the home fires burning. This included an endless list of daily chores, which never stopped. Remember, at this point they weren’t chores, they were the stuff of life. Cooking, tending to children, making and washing clothes… all the day-to-day work of living. And as long as you’re able, you keep moving. (side note: Women are generally better at multi-tasking.)

In our modern world, neither group is doing what our genes demand. The endless tedium of our work schedule leaves the male side unfulfilled. Leaving the home to work, on top of the chores of life, leaves the female side overwhelmed. The shadows of the eternal child and the martyr are in full bloom. No one is happy with the way things are.

My goal here is simply to raise awareness of parts of this unconscious issue. I’m not even vaguely suggesting that we return to gender-based roles. I just want to mention that we all have a genetic link to a past we rarely think of, and also that we are each in the process of balancing these energies within. We all go out and hunt (work). We all tend to our home life (chores, kids). We all have access to both the negative and positive energies of each.

We can feel disenchanted by our jobs, vowing to remain as childlike as possible, or we can celebrate the fact that our “hunt” provides food. We can be overwhelmed by the chores, feeling victimized and unsupported, or we can be joyful that we have “things” to tend to. I’m suggesting mentally reframing our experience, not suppressing the negative emotion around it. Just really be aware of what’s at work within you, and consider changing your views on life. Know thyself. As always, awareness brings freedom.

The shadow of the male side is always looking for an escape. This endless list of life isn’t natural to this half of the mind. The solution is to know the list never ends, and it isn’t supposed to. You will only stop doing the chores of life when life ends. Stop dreaming of a distant shore, where you will magically have every need met, without any effort. Try singing while you clean, or through a few dance steps into your dinner preparation. Celebrate the work of living.

The shadow of the female side is to be in a constant state of overwhelm. Yes, it is a lot to do both work and home, but you can do it. The solution is to celebrate every accomplishment. If you went to work, you “hunted” today. Good for you! If you did laundry or dishes, you were tending to life. Good for you! The female side was never taught to celebrate each accomplishment, because it works from a never-ending list. Celebrate each individual task.

Since we are all working to balance both sides of this polarity, I recommend you use both reframing tools – sing during “life work”, and celebrate each accomplishment. I usually have music on during chores, so that part is pretty natural for me. Taking notice of accomplishments is harder for me, so I usually mentally list them before bed… “Today I got groceries, brushed the dog, and dusted. Yay me! I did more than I thought.” Figure out how you need to reframe your thinking, and do so for your own happiness.

You may also want to read my writing on finding balance with the Masculine and Feminine energy within. It’s worth the contemplation to discover how you think… and how the other half does, as well.


A special thanks to those who have donated (donate button on the right) – it really helps! If this info is helpful, you can follow my blog (lower right side of page) to have posts delivered directly to your inbox, or you can follow me on Facebook. You may also enjoy my books, Waking Up Indigo and Walking In Both Worlds, available at Amazon!


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* The Three Brains *

Quick energy update: Hang in there! It’s been a squirrelly month, and a really tough week. Everything is moving in the right direction, regardless of outside appearances. I personally have slept more this month than I ever thought possible, while many of my friends have been ridiculously busy. We are all integrating the new light codes exactly as we need to.  Be gentle with yourself and others right now. Self-care and self-love are the best things at the moment. I have been working on my next Level II Merkaba class, and the three brains is part of it. Just something to ponder (and distract you from the havoc)…

The Mystery Schools (and now science) tell us that not everything is controlled by the brains in our skulls. In fact, we have three distinct centers of function: The brain, the heart, and the gut. Science acknowledges the cellular significance, while the Mystery Schools go more into the energetics. I will try to include a bit of both in my explanation.

The gut is vital for absorbing nutrients and eliminating toxins. A disruption to the natural micro-biome (probiotic balance) has been tied to Autism, and several digestive issues. Along with that, the 2nd and 3rd chakras work together in this area, to assimilate information (2nd, subconscious, inward), and present it in our lives (3rd, action, outward).   Cellular memory is governed by the 2nd chakra. Gut health is physical health, and the body’s ability to heal itself naturally.

The body is not only the Temple of the Soul, but also a self-healing independent organism. Like all of nature, it was designed to thrive in health, and heal quickly when damaged. It wants to exist in health and balance. It was also designed to live much longer and more vibrantly than we currently experience as normal. Supporting the health of the gut allows the body to do its job.

The brain and spinal cord carry impulses and information, meant to flow unimpeded. This involves the 5th and 6th chakras working to assimilate information (6th, intuitive knowledge, inward), and present it to the world (5th, creativity, outward). If the intuitive voice gets drowned out by the thinking mind, then the outward voice is less loving, and less powerful. The flow from 6th to 5th is diminished by an overactive mind.

The observer mind is the Mind of God, while the monkey mind is the mind of ego. It is our duty to train the ego mind, and keep it from running the show. Through meditation, positive thought practice, awareness, and redirection of thoughts we can teach the monkey mind what to focus on, and what to let go. Our ego mind makes up (and maintains) stories. It’s our job to define the stories it tells.

Even though we talk about them separately, everything is connected. Gut trouble can effect thinking. Wrong thinking can effect physical health. They are intertwined, but easier to understand in pieces. In today’s society, we discipline the body (with fad diets, and rigorous exercise) while we feed the mind endlessly (entertainment mostly). That’s backwards. It’s the mind that requires discipline, while the body needs nourishment and support.

The heart muscle carries all kinds of interesting cells, tied both to cellular memory and neurology. Science knows it is much more than just a pump. In the Mystery Schools, the heart (4th chakra) is the gateway to everything unseen, other dimensions of consciousness, the Light itself. The thing about the heart is that it opens when it opens; it can’t be forced. The best we can do is tend to the gut and the brain, to create a safe environment for it to open. Keeping it closed is easier to define – mistreat your gut and misuse your thinking mind (meaning eat poorly, and dwell on negative thoughts). It is our sacred duty to nourish the body, and train the mind. The heart will open with the proper environment.

Support the gut, discipline the mind, and allow the heart to open.


A special thanks to those who have donated (donate button on the right) – it really helps! If this info is helpful, you can follow my blog (lower right side of page) to have posts delivered directly to your inbox, or you can follow me on Facebook. You may also enjoy my books, Waking Up Indigo and Walking In Both Worlds, available at Amazon!

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Just for Fun

The eclipses have sent us all reeling. The guidance I keep getting is, “Relax. We got this.” I am still responsible to stay the course, and away from fear. And fear has been knocking… I just refuse to answer. Anyway, I wrote a workplace fairytale many year ago, and just came across it. I am sending it to you, in hopes of brightening your day with a little humor. Keep life light right now, and let the world move around you. Enjoy!

“Once upon a time, there was an idealistic, young airline executive named Sir CC. Sir CC believed that the airline industry could be revolutionized with the proper technology and software. One day someone with a thick German accent told Sir CC of a state-of-the-art flight planning system called LIDO that would save time and money for all who used it. LIDO was magical software that would actually make airplanes burn less fuel and remove the requirement to employ FAA certified dispatchers.

Sir CC was very happy to learn of this magical system and endeavored to implement it immediately. Unfortunately, Aero Azul refused to accept this story, and soon thereafter Sir CC traveled west to make his fortune at another airline, Front-n-Rear, in desperate need of technological advancement. At this new airline, Sir CC began telling people about the magic of LIDO within months of his arrival, because he was so excited to see his new employer lead the industry.

But even though Sir CC believed so deeply in the magic of LIDO, others at Front-n-Rear wanted to see comparisons and charts and graphs to prove LIDO’s power. This was a daunting task, but luckily Sir CC had a trusty side-kick named Grumble the Weasel who could do all the leg work for this project. His name was somewhat misleading, for while Grumble’s values resembled that of a weasel, his appearance was more like an angry leprechaun. Grumble was hesitant at first, because he wasn’t fond of extra work, but he became quite enthusiastic when his research required an expense paid trip to Germany. Soon Grumble became as enchanted with LIDO as Sir CC and he devised a plan to bring it to Front-n-Rear, and at the same time, expand his own professional horizons.

First, Grumble set up comparison trials with other flight planning systems and invited the dispatchers to various presentations. Whenever a dispatcher would raise a question about LIDO, Grumble would tell them they just didn’t understand how magical LIDO was. Then Grumble calculated that Front-n-Rear would save $9M per year using LIDO. When the dispatchers pointed out that was impossible, Grumble would tell them they didn’t understand such complex calculations. Then Grumble told all who doubted LIDO that he could personally think of nothing better for dispatchers, pilots and the bottom line. When the dispatchers said it wasn’t user-friendly and took up to 5 times longer for them to produce paperwork, Grumble told them they were just being resistant to change.

The executives were so impressed with Grumble’s charts and graphs and inflated numbers that they agreed to bring LIDO to Front-n-Rear. Shortly thereafter, Grumble was hired by LIDO to sell their product to other airlines, and the Front-n-Rear executives took this as further proof of Grumble’s complete belief in the system. To this day, no one knows for sure what his motivations were, but considering his personality and values, it is suspected that this move was “best for Grumble” and probably quite lucrative.

Sir CC was ecstatic. He finally succeeded in bringing LIDO to his small airline, thus bringing Front-n-Rear one step closer to being state-of-the-art in technological advancements. But all wasn’t well as Front-n-Rear began the transition to LIDO. The dispatchers kept pointing out problems. The software wasn’t compatible with other systems and departments. ATC refused to let Front-n-Rear fly the magical plans and disregard all their rules.

Sir CC was discouraged and began to doubt the magic of LIDO. But then he thought back to the feeling of exhilaration he felt when the man with the German accent first told him of this system, and remembered how much energy and belief he had invested in this mission. So Sir CC quickly surrounded himself with agreeable people that would support him in his vision of magical software, and pressed on.

The dispatchers had to eventually come to the only logical conclusion: one of them must have inadvertently broken a mirror, thus condemning the group to a 7-year contract with LIDO.”



Part Deux


These were dark and dangerous times at Front-n-Rear Airlines. The implementation of the LIDO system brought many flight delays and a deep depression to the entire Flight Ops department. The dispatchers could be heard whispering the Serenity Prayer under their breath: Lord, grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed, courage to change that which can be changed, and wisdom to know the difference.

Indeed, the wisest of the dispatchers were striving for the serenity to accept LIDO, for the decision was clearly out of their hands and above their heads. A few of the moderately wise dispatchers attempted to alert various managers and directors to the evils of LIDO, but were swiftly greeted with the same “change is hard” mantra and promptly ignored. There was only one dispatcher, Natty the Rookie, who persisted in parading the truth long beyond the point of reason.

Natty suffered from a serious affliction called philo-psycho-ful engorgement which, coupled with her uncommon abundance of common sense, resulted in an almost constant sense of bewilderment at the actions of her superiors, and an obsessive drive to understand how they could reach such ridiculous decisions. The other dispatchers graciously accepted her as part of the group, though few took her seriously owing to her world-view being too big and her understanding of the proper order of a workplace too small. But this LIDO business was just the thing for Natty to obsess over and it generally kept her occupied and out of the way, so no one objected much.

Natty enjoyed finding patterns in behavior and this LIDO debacle reminder her of a situation many years ago in a nearby kingdom where an emperor was sold some high-end, designer, magical clothes. Either due to poor quality magic in the manufacturing process, or really good salesmanship of thin air, the emperor ended up with his end out, as he paraded around proudly in his birthday suit. How he didn’t notice the chill is another matter. Natty couldn’t help but wonder if the tailor involved in that incident also had a heavy German accent or was a distant relative of Grumble the Weasel, since they were both instrumental in acquiring LIDO at Front-n-Rear. This was too great a puzzle for even her overly analytical mind to process and she eventually had to seek expert assistance.

Her journey to deeper understanding started with the Ghoul of Corporate Greed. Natty asked the Ghoul what would possess an ambitious, young executive to replace a functioning system with a nearly legal and highly dysfunctional one, based only on the promise of unreasonable results. The Ghoul replied in a somewhat condescending tone, “Silly girl! The answer is in the charts and graphs… the numbers show it will save the company money! Money is the only reasonable basis for any decision.”

Now Natty had pondered human psychology ad nauseam and knew that if the people didn’t have the proper tools to do their job theoretical cost savings was a moot point, and she politely queried the Ghoul on this concept. The Ghoul replied, “What works or does not work is no concern of mine. Numbers are the only basis I rely on and profit for the shareholders is my only goal. You should be thankful! It is only because of my greed that we can afford to pay your measly wages!” Natty could sense the Ghoul’s patience growing thin, and decided to take her leave before pay cuts could be discussed.

Although the Ghoul of Corporate Greed had a terribly skewed view of the world, it was nonetheless quite a chilling encounter. Natty took a few moments to verify her alliances were a bit more balanced, and promised herself she would never mistake greed for a reasonable excuse to do anything, especially to adversely affect a group of people who just want to do their jobs. After assessing the encounter, Natty decided that the Ghoul’s perception of the world was cold and lifeless and the people she worked for were not (in various degrees of not), and there must be more to the puzzle than this. She needed insight into the more passionate, human side of poor decisions…


Meanwhile, back at Front-n-Rear, Sir CC was living in the midst of the turbulence of LIDO. As more and more people took note of the ill effects of this magical software, more and more people questioned the wisdom of his decision. Some even said LIDO was fashioned with dark magic and they questioned Sir CC’s true intentions. Poor Sir CC felt confused and lost, and his unwavering faith in LIDO now wavered, thus letting in the smallest glimmer of doubt. And doubt, of course, is the precursor to progress, as it allows one to question answers and open the mind to new possibilities.

Sir CC conferred with his newly appointed side-kick, commonly known as the Martyr of Jargon, about his doubts. The Martyr, having been placed rather unwillingly in the middle of the whole mess, suggested that they temporarily remove LIDO from common use so that they may learn more of its magic, and reevaluate the promises given with the contract. “Perhaps,” said the Martyr, “we are trying to use the magical software incorrectly. Or perhaps… perhaps we have been swindled!” While this idea was disturbing to Sir CC, it was time such things be considered, even at great risk to his dreams of magical software.


After a brief scan of the Yellow Pages, Natty found her next destination, which took days of determination to reach. As she arrived at the cave at the top of the mountain she saw a kindly old wizard picking daisies in a field of wild flowers. He appeared to be wearing a night dress and cap, and was quietly singing to himself. Odd as this seemed, Natty cleared her throat loudly and asked, “Excuse me, but are you the Guru listed in the phone book?” The man turned to her and smiled a most pleasant smile, looking carefree and comfortable in his unusual attire with his daisies, one tucked behind his left ear.

“Hello there,” the Guru said, “Are you inside my head or out?” “Out,” Natty replied, wondering if this journey was for not, “I was hoping you could tell me why people make bad decisions and then stick to them.” “I see,” said the Guru, “Being that I am the Guru of Ego, I suppose I would be a good person to ask.”

“Um… yes, that was precisely what I supposed.”

“But are you ready for the consequences of this knowledge? For it is quite difficult to unlearn things, and with the power of knowledge comes the weight of integrating new information. Not exactly a relaxing hobby.”

“My mind is wrought with the desperation of trying, without success, to understand how people can make such strange decisions with such conviction, and nary a care about the obvious issues involved. I am exhausted! The weight of integrating this new information will be a welcomed respite.”

At this point, the Guru of Ego led Natty to a lovely group of large rocks arranged as a small table and chairs, and motioned for her to take a seat. “The long and the short of it,” said the Guru, “is simply that self-delusion is the key to true happiness.” Natty attempted, with no success, to understand that statement, and finally had to admit defeat. The Guru adjusted his night dress to cross his legs and continued, “People are generally run by their egos, with little attention paid to logical thought, especially when logic interferes with the course the ego has set. The only thing the ego wants is to get its way and be right, and it controls the person’s behavior to accomplish this.”

“So we are all controlled by our egos?”

“Generally, yes.”

“But that doesn’t make sense. Wouldn’t logic and reasoning be better?”

“Generally, yes.”

“So humans sabotage themselves by ignoring logic in order to satisfy the ego’s need to be right?”

“Now you’re getting it!”


“Now I really must tend to my flowers. This has been a most enjoyable visit, you should return some time for more tea.”

“We didn’t have tea…”

“Good day.”

And with that the Guru of Ego turned and began singing to himself once again, dancing amongst the wild flowers. Natty wasn’t quite sure which alternate reality she had happened upon, but decided it was best to descend the mountain and try to return to her own world. But the Guru was right about one thing, this information about the human ego wasn’t easy to integrate. Some things are better left a mystery, and it is quite a task to un-learn something, especially something so fundamental to the quest to understand bad decisions.

Natty spent the journey home in quite a funk. People had to be made of something more than greed and ego. If that were the whole picture progress would be a product of happenstance and no useful skills could ever be applied. What a mess!

As Natty relayed the stories of her adventures to her co-workers, she was still at a loss as to what to do with this conundrum. Luckily, friends generally have a firm grasp of the obvious, and point it out readily. The current monarch of Front-n-Rear was known for his cunning and would most certainly be interested in this costly, ego-based endeavor. So it was settled… Natty the Rookie was off to visit Sylvester Monetary, or Sly Money as his friends called him.

Not many people had a personal audience with Sly. Not that he was too busy, more that he was a little intimidating. He never let on what he was really thinking, a defining attribute of being cunning and business savvy; and knowing that the Ghoul of Corporate Greed made regular visits to board meetings made it that much more unsettling to speak with Sly. Especially alone, as Natty the Rookie found herself again.

Natty knocked on the big, oak door, for even though it was open (as was policy) it did not appear welcoming. “Come in,” said Sly, “Please have a seat and tell me what’s on your mind.” I may very well be completely out of my mind, Natty thought to herself. But she politely took a seat across the big, oak desk from Sly, and told him her sordid tale.

Sly listened attentively, but never showed any sign of what he was thinking. At the end of the story Sly simply said, “Thank you for sharing your concerns,” with a sense of finality in his tone. Natty took her leave, feeling very little hope, but knowing that she had at least tried every option available to revive the flailing and weak body of common sense.


The weeks turned into months, and still there was very little news to brighten the days in dispatch. Then one day, quite unexpectedly, Sly announced he was courting a rather homely woman in Indiana. This was a wonderful union for Sly and all the employees at Front-N-Rear, as this would unite both their kingdoms under one Republic. It was only a week later that LIDO was returned (with force) to the German with the thick accent.

No one knows exactly what transpired within Sir CC, or even if that mattered at all to the outcome. Did Sly talk some sense into him? Did his brain overcome his ego? Did the Martyr of Jargon prove that LIDO held no magic power at all? Whatever it was, it was cause for celebration, as the dispatchers were finally free of this dysfunctional software. Shortly thereafter, Sir CC graciously stepped down from his post, hopefully having learned quite a bit about people, corporate greed, his own ego, and the true cost of sticking to a bad decision. At last report, he was headed even further west to court a young Virgin.


And this is the story of how the dispatchers were saved from the evils of LIDO… and there is still much rejoicing.

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*Feeling, Wallowing, and Denial*

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I have heard many teachers talk about the need to feel whatever comes up. Usually, sometimes in the next breath, they tell us to shift our reality to higher states. It can be confusing, even when you know exactly what they’re saying. So which is it, feel or shift? Both actually. Let me try my hand at an explanation.

Refusal to feel an emotion is just denial. The current phrase is ‘spiritual by-passing’. It never works out. Usually, emotions just get stuffed down deep, and come bursting out at the worst moment. Or worse, these unfelt emotions can cause physical issues. No one wants that. We all have moments of unpleasantness, no matter how much we try to avoid them. Negative thoughts and feelings just happen. They aren’t a sign of failure.

Wallowing is having a thought or feeling, and attaching a story to keep it going. The attachment is identification AS that thought or feeling. You are not the sum total of your thoughts and feelings, no matter how intense they are. You don’t need to stay in that self-inflicted torment any longer than the passing moment. Yes, you need to consciously acknowledge the feeling, but you don’t need to believe the story you built around it. “Let it go” doesn’t mean don’t feel, it just means release attachment to the story. It’s okay to keep moving.

The real art to this issue is witnessing without attachment. Feel the feeling, without becoming it. Think the thought, without believing it’s true. Witness your life, without being limited by a story of your own invention. 

It mostly comes down to awareness. Being aware of the feelings as they arise. Being aware of your thoughts as they drift by. Being aware that both thoughts and feelings are an experience you are having, not a definition of self. It is real mastery to be able to witness your own thoughts and feelings without becoming them. Letting an emotion roll through your body without a story can be terrifying at first. (Control freaks be warned!) It gets easier with practice.

This is where the “shift your energy” comes into play. After you fully acknowledge how crappy you feel, go do something to keep from dwelling on it. Take a bath, go for a walk, read a book, whatever. Allow yourself to shift. If you’re going through hell, keep going. Witness it, be fully conscious of it, but keep going. No need to dottle where it’s dismal. I usually say to myself, “Wow, this sucks. I haven’t cried like this in ages. I must be releasing something. Now that I’m done crying, what’s next?” I fully feel it, but I allow myself to move.

As we develop these coping skills, the lows are fewer and shorter. The fastest way out is straight through. Many people spend much time and energy trying to avoid negative feelings, and it’s actually pretty quick if you dive right in. Others waste time in the thick of it, by identifying with a story that perpetuates the emotion. Awareness. Witness your thoughts and feelings without attachment.

And we all fall into a story sometimes. Instead of berating yourself say, “Wow! I really believed that for a minute! How funny!” Be gentle with yourself in this process. Society was never geared toward introspection and witnessing. Remember, when you were young, having to apologize to another child for hurting their feelings? I sure do. We have all been taught that hurting someone’s story is to be avoided. Witnessing is a novel concept to most.

We tend to view unpleasant thoughts and feelings as failure, but we all have them. If you need a way to measure progress, here are two:
1) Where do you spend the majority of your time?
2) How quick is your recovery, when you fall into the pit?
I used to spend most of my time in anger, but now I spend most of my time in peace. I used to be down for days with a funk, then it was hours, now it’s usually minutes. I still fall, as we all do, but I no longer stay there. Progress.

Don’t plan on leaving all negativity behind. Instead, endeavor to progress in your own self-mastery.  Feel it, and let it move through you without attachment. Witness your existence, and keep moving.


A special thanks to those who have donated (donate button on the right) – it really helps! If this info is helpful, you can follow my blog (lower right side of page) to have posts delivered directly to your inbox, or you can follow me on Facebook. You may also enjoy my books, Waking Up Indigo and Walking In Both Worlds, available at Amazon!

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Non-Judgement Day Is Near

This unity consciousness thing has brought some interesting consequences in its wake. If you are feeling new and unusual things, it may not be you you’re feeling. As we join consciousness, it’s with all things, not even just all people. As if feeling all people weren’t overwhelming enough.

I’ve had a clear tie to the collective consciousness, that I’ve been aware of, for at least a couple decades. I have developed some coping skills for that, and I can usually tell when an emotion is mine, or just a ripple in the field. This week, I experienced a real connection to Gaia. I know others have an Earth connection naturally, but this was new for me.

For a day and a half, I felt like a horse before a storm. Anxiety through the roof. I kept checking the human grids, but it was calm. Then California was hit with a 6.4 earthquake, and I suddenly felt better. The tension and anxiety passed, after the earth shifted. Anxiety is not my usual. Feeling Gaia is not my usual. I have no skill set here. Guess it’s time to get one.

The Mystery Schools teach that all of physical reality is just one thing. This is why so many traditions teach us to respect the world of nature. All of nature is one with our physical bodies. It makes sense that I would feel Gaia, it’s just a new one for me. I feel other planetary movements, so I’m not sure why Earth should be different. I understand it mentally, but I still have to develop that skill set. Never a dull moment.

As we become more consciously connected, we can only want the best for all, because there is no more us and them. The problem is that the whole world runs on division – political division, religious division, nationality division, racial division, economic division, gender division, etc. Division of beliefs, and beliefs are only thoughts. Examine your thoughts regularly, so you aren’t as tempted to believe everything you think.

Another new one for me is shedding all judgement. I wasn’t raised around judgement, and I’ve never spent much time there. But I did have quite a bit of victim mentality to wade through, which includes blame, and thus, judgement. Recently, I feel really terrible when I think badly of someone. Brings me to tears. I really feel the weight of the judgement I’m passing. So I cry, then apologize to them, then praise them for doing their best, then I can let it go.

For those that don’t know me, I am talking about thoughts, not words. I was taught that if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. I don’t think that’s oppressive, it just asks that I consider my thoughts before I share them with the world. I don’t dwell on judgement in my head either, but it does drift through from time to time. So basically, I can’t even think crappy things without it shaking me to tears. New skill set needed.

Please remember there is a significant difference between judgement and discernment. I’m not suggesting you throw common sense to the wind, because we are all one. The ego, and thus the use of our individual free will, is still very much in play. When I see a homeless drug addict, I can respect his path and send him blessings, but not include him in my inner circle. Judgement is thinking someone is living their path wrong. Discernment is about living your path to the best of your ability. Basically, discernment is minding your own business.

Yes, there are people out there using their free will to inflict pain on others. They just aren’t awake yet. If you can’t wake them by being a loving example, it may not be your job. I have to stay out of activism, because I simply can’t do it with love. Anger comes a bit too naturally to me, so I am doing more good for the whole by staying centered. You may be different. That’s the whole point. We are all different, and uniquely valuable. There is no one right way.

We have all felt the weight of someone’s judgement, verbally expressed or not. It sucks to be on the receiving end of that, and I’m sure that’s why it’s hitting me so hard. We are all training for telepathy, which will be full disclosure of the muck in our thoughts. I’ve spent years cleaning up my mind, but there’s always work to be done with mental mastery.

As we return to unity consciousness the ego’s veil of separation evaporates. Soon, we will go from right and wrong to more-awake and less-awake. After that, it will be the more-awake cheering on the less-awake, to keep moving toward their own sovereignty. Less judging, more cheering. The day of non-judgement is upon us.


A special thanks to those who have donated (donate button on the right) – it really helps! If this info is helpful, you can follow my blog (lower right side of page) to have posts delivered directly to your inbox, or you can follow me on Facebook. You may also enjoy my books, Waking Up Indigo and Walking In Both Worlds, available at Amazon!


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*Gratitude as a Practice*

We tend to think of gratitude as an emotion, which is only felt when inspired. It’s easy to feel disingenuous when we try to make a gratitude list, while also being a bit disgruntled with the world. I want you to reconsider the idea of gratitude. Instead of a feeling, try using it as a practice.

With any practice there are good days and bad days. Piano, yoga, meditation, running – sometimes it flows easily, and sometimes we just push through. But if we only do it when it’s easy, and stop if it gets tough, then we may never improve. A daily practice happens daily, not just when we feel like it. Why not do the same thing with gratitude?

As with most in a privileged culture, I used to complain a lot. Older co-workers told me to be thankful for what I had. You can’t tell someone to feel something, it doesn’t work like that. But it really is more mental than emotional… at first. By regularly changing your mindset, you eventually dwell on more peaceful thoughts, then the emotion follows. Gratitude opens the heart, when practiced daily. It’s a shortcut to a higher vibration.

If you use the media to inform your life, there’s just not much to be grateful for. Always remember, it is monetarily profitable to keep us unhappy and divided. There simply isn’t any money in people being satisfied with themselves, or what they have. Human connection satisfies most needs (real connection, not superficial socializing), so keeping us divided, isolated, and fearful is good business. Find sites that send you daily good news, to balance out the standard stuff.

To begin this journey, I want you to really shrink your scope to only YOU. No world news, no local politics, not even personal relationships – just you. Not even you compared to someone else. There is no “more than” or “less than”, if there’s no comparison. Start here. Start with your basic needs as a physical being. It might go like this:
“I am grateful for having food to eat. I’m grateful for running water to bathe in. I’m grateful for my home, that gives me shelter from the weather.” And so on. List at least 5 things per category.

Next, expand just a little into the natural world. “I am grateful for the warm sun on my face. I am grateful for the feel of the grass underfoot. I am grateful for the animals I see, and those I share my home with.” Again, list at least 5 things. Then move into relationships, old or current. “I am grateful for my loving mother. I am grateful for everything my relationship is teaching me. I am grateful for the support of my friends.” You can even include “things”… “I am grateful for this beautiful shirt. I am grateful for this amazing book.”

Once these lists come easily, bump it up from gratitude to appreciation. Appreciation is just a little more empowered. Start with gratitude, then change the wording to see how it feels. Once you can truly appreciate your own world, then you can expand beyond that. Keep the scope small, at first. Find things in yourself, and you own life, to appreciate.

A little trap to watch for – don’t confuse gratitude with being a professional victim. “I’m so grateful for ___ (insert invisible entity here) watching over me. I’m so grateful for ___ (insert political candidate here) because they are going to save the world.” Gratitude involves some level of personal responsibility and personal empowerment. The point is to notice things in your own world that are pretty amazing, just the way they are. Gratitude brings you to the present moment, in your current personal existence.

I recommend making a list twice a day, in the morning and right before bed. Some of you will do better with an actual journal, others do better with a mental list. Make it part of your routine. For me, I make a mental list as I wake in the morning, and again after I turn off the light at bedtime. If you have a partner you appreciate, voice your gratitude out loud. During the day, when it comes to mind, make a mental list of what’s amazing. Could be anything… the delicious lunch you just had, or something nice a co-worker said.

Like attracts like. As you gradually move your thoughts to a heart-based state, you will find others doing the same. Mostly, you will begin to be more comfortable in your own life. And it’s absolutely true that we change the world from within. Raising your own vibration raises the whole planet. Gratitude is a worthy practice.


A special thanks to those who have donated (donate button on the right) – it really helps! If this info is helpful, you can follow my blog (lower right side of page) to have posts delivered directly to your inbox, or you can follow me on Facebook. You may also enjoy my books, Waking Up Indigo and Walking In Both Worlds, available at Amazon!

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*Doing the Work*

What is spirituality? What does it really mean to do the work? How will you know it’s really working? So many questions. And what’s worse, so many trying to capitalize on the spiritual awakening going on, leading folks down the garden path, to yet another dead end. Like so many things, it may be better to first define what something is not.

Doing the work is not doing drugs. Not even the psychoactive ones, at least not often. Yes, plant medicine can help people open up, and for some folks I encourage it. Once. The problem is that people are fundamentally lazy when it comes to inner work, and there is a whole group out there who mistake being high for being spiritual. Mind opening drugs are used to show what is possible without them. I know people who take mushrooms every quarter, but never meditate between. Spirituality requires mental awareness, and daily integration. It is a symptom of our culture to think we can simply take a drug to find enlightenment. Not so much.

Doing the work is not positive thinking. At the higher levels, positive thinking is a must… after wading through the muck of the subconscious. The problem with trying to start there is lack of awareness. We do three minutes of affirmations, then play the same old background tapes for the next sixteen hours. Positive thinking is an amazing tool, but only after it is embedded in the subconscious. Then we think happy things almost all the time. Before that can happen, the subconscious needs to be cleared out, and we need to be consciously aware of every single thought. Every. Single. Thought. Most of us can’t start there, even though the “bliss bunnies” try to tell us if we just think happy thoughts, everything else will happen automatically. Nope.

Doing the work is not about dogma. If you are prone to dogma, you will seek out dogma, no matter the context. Their are dogmatic Christians, and dogmatic Atheists. Some are dogmatic about food choice, others about lawn care. Seriously, people love strict rules, either to follow or break. True spirituality is based on non-jugement, even toward yourself. None of us is perfect, and even doing your best is a sliding scale from day to day. Yes, do your best, but never berate yourself. And always remember not everyone is on the same path. If you are concentrating on being a better person, it doesn’t matter if you’re Atheist or Christian or Wiccan or whatever. Dogma is imposed from the outside. Spirituality grows from introspection.

Doing the work is not about demanding the acceptance of others. If your growth takes a turn away from your current friends, it’s your responsibility to find a new circle. It is never their responsibility to accommodate the new you. When you come out of any closet, some of your friends will cheer you on, and others will try to push you back in. You are the one who changed – and good for you, evolving and stuff! – but be ready to let people go. We each evolve at our own rate. Don’t wait for, or drag, others. You can only do you.

Doing the work is about presence and awareness. The goal is to be fully present, and fully aware in each moment. I once read that the goal was to take each breath consciously. Apologies to the perfectionists in the crowd, but for me, this is really inspiring. I’m no where near that level, but I do take conscious breaths several times daily. At first, it’s exhausting to be conscious of every passing thought. Start with words. It’s easier to be really present with what you say out loud. Start wherever you are, and pay attention.

Doing the work requires dedication and discipline. I’m not sure why this aspect scares so many people. Everything takes dedication and discipline… learning piano, dance lessons, a new career, even learning to walk. We need to practice everyday to learn any skill, and awareness is no different. At first, do it at certain times, and in small increments, so you don’t get overwhelmed. Dedication is an agreement with yourself. Discipline is using your free will to hold up that agreement.

Doing the work requires a daily practice.  Yes, the practice must be daily. If you only brush your teeth once a week, how effective would it be? This doesn’t have to be a big thing, but it does have to happen everyday. It could be 45 minutes of yoga, or 5 minutes of gratitude journaling. It could be a walk, or a meditation. Find something you like, and make it part of your daily routine. If nothing else, breathe consciously (5 counts in, 5 counts out) for 3 minutes, twice a day. If what you choose doesn’t feel right, change to something else. I like to keep a daily practice for at least 40 days, before changing it up. Up to you. Just make your daily practice daily.

Many groups focus on how dark and scary doing the work is, because it can be emotional. Let me give you a different framework. “Doing the work” is just making the subconscious, conscious. That’s it. It can be emotional because when we finally consciously see the subconscious patterns we have been living, it releases the emotions and stories we were using to hold it in place. It’s a detox, on all levels. Yes, it can be emotional. Yes, it’s worth it.

We are always manifesting, we are always attracting. We are creating from the subconscious, until we make it conscious. Your world will reflect what’s going on internally. That’s why spirituality is an inside job. No one can be introspective for you. No one can be aware of your thoughts except you. This is why we do the work.


A special thanks to those who have donated (donate button on the right) – it really helps! If this info is helpful, you can follow my blog (lower right side of page) to have posts delivered directly to your inbox, or you can follow me on Facebook. You may also enjoy my books, Waking Up Indigo and Walking In Both Worlds, available at Amazon!

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*Wake Up Detox*

I know the word “detox” is thrown around liberally. It can mean many things, on many levels. I wish to attempt to clarify what it means for our spiritual (or evolutional) journey, at this time. Our very cells are changing, due to non-coding DNA now starting to code. The body is doing some major work right now. I speak for the body, not for morality or societal conditioning. I recommend you avoid certain things because it’s easier on your body, not because it’s “wrong” or unacceptable.

I think we all get the physical part – eat good food, and exercise. The thing is, the reasons for that have changed. It is no longer about general health, or fitting into a certain look. The body is working so hard to evolve, there just isn’t any extra energy. By putting a higher load on your liver, you are forcing your body to choose – evolve, or clean up your mess. It just can’t do both at once. This level of detox is a lifestyle change, not a fad diet.

The saying is “Starve a cold, or you’ll feed a fever.” That’s where we are, folks. If we don’t starve our addictions, we’ll be headed for worse. Avoid “pleasurable toxins”, like alcohol, drugs, random sex, junk TV (including news), gossip, drama, and fear. These things aren’t “bad” morally, but they don’t support the body. You only get to live this life at the generosity of your body. Support it.

Emotions are just chemicals in the body, resulting in a physical sensation. The easiest to talk about is adrenaline, because most of us can relate to the fight-or-flight feeling. All our emotional states are meant to be experienced, then the chemicals cleansed from the body (more detox). The more emotion stirred, the more chemicals produced. This is why emotion can be addictive. Any emotion.

We naturally have emotions throughout the day, and I’m not suggesting you try to stop that. All I’m saying is avoid emotional excess through mental input. What does that mean? Getting into arguments on social media to increase your anger. Watching endless videos on conspiracies to increase your fear. Gossiping every chance you get to increase your judgement of others. Again, none of these things is morally wrong, but they all increase your body’s workload.

The majority of our work is actually mental. We only hold on to destructive behaviors because we have stories about them. “Well, I need this because…” The body wants to be healthy, it is only our thoughts getting in the way. It is our thoughts that frame our worldview, and keep us stuck in patterns. It is the fear of the unknown holds us in these patterns, and makes us prefer to be right rather than happy.

Our thoughts build stories that trap us in endless cycles of addiction, and victimization. We believe everything we think. Also consider, many of our thoughts aren’t even ours. We think many things because it’s what we were told as children, and never examined them later in life. What do you really believe? I bet if you start rehashing old beliefs, you may be surprised by how much of it doesn’t really match who you are. Rethink and reframe.

The detox I am asking you to consider is physical, but the physical toxins aren’t just in the food you eat. This is why a true detox includes the mental and emotional realms. This doesn’t need to happen all at once, just be aware of what’s going on in your body. Awareness changes everything. Instead of following a list of dos and don’ts, try just being aware of how you think, and why. How you treat your body, and why.

While your own awareness will always be the best guide, I know that having a few suggestions is helpful, at least for me. Do what feels right to you.

Suggested for detox – Drink lots of water, eat only organic food (or at least non-GMO), eat only free-range animal products, try a 3-day liquid diet (juices and cream soups), short (1-3 day) fasting, supplement with herbs and vitamins, bath with epsom salts, sunbathing, walking or biking, yoga, laughter, get a massage, gardening, being creative (arts & crafts), read a book, take a nap, watch uplifting programs (documentary, spiritual, comedy), meditation. Self care!

PLEASE DON’T CHECK OUT! There are times this shift is overwhelming, but checking out will only mean more detox later. This means don’t ease your pain with alcohol, drugs, sexual energy, overeating, overstimulating (too much interaction with others), excessive TV or social media, violence or fear-based shows. Many of us have an unidentifiable self-loathing that shows itself in our unwillingness to care for our bodies. It’s pretty normal, but needs to be addressed.

After all that, my point is just to ask that you support your body. It is doing so much work behind the scenes. If you’re tired, take a nap, or go to bed earlier. This process is physically exhausting. Instead of being disappointed in your energy levels, be proud your body is working so hard. It wants to be healthy. It was built to evolve. Give yourself the support of detox.


A special thanks to those who have donated (donate button on the right) – it really helps! If this info is helpful, you can follow my blog (lower right side of page) to have posts delivered directly to your inbox, or you can follow me on Facebook. You may also enjoy my books, Waking Up Indigo and Walking In Both Worlds, available at Amazon!

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