Although I have always promoted the idea of being yourself, and honestly I’ve done that pretty well, there is always more growth to be had. We never stop growing, because evolution (or ascension) is an ongoing process. We always see with fresh eyes, as we ascend the spiral of spiritual development. That said, this past week has been full of epiphanies for me. I am never the only one going through this, so I want to share the more profound stuff, in the hope it will prompt your own revelations.
Humans pattern themselves subconsciously by exposure. We learn to be how, and who, we are. Add to that the cellular information given to our bodies, and it’s no wonder things “run in the family”. Not only physical characteristics, but personality traits. Yes, with introspection we can see some of these learned traits, but more pop up as we keep digging. And dig we must, or we never truly live our own lives.
Add to this formative and traumatic events. These can come from someone close, or not. We spend much of our subconscious energy on either trying to be like, or not like, someone else. But who are we? That’s the million dollar question. Even if we choose to emulate someone we admire, is that authentic? How can we tell if we are really aligned with our unique selves?
I have an Uncle who spent his entire life trying to imitate the loving devotion of his Mother, and the charismatic wit of his Father. He failed. He was a pale shadow of his parent’s beauty. What’s worse, he never found himself. It was a life un-lived, always trying to fit himself into someone else’s shoes. I’m sure he had gifts of his own to share.
In my early twenties, I was really trying to be as loving as my Grandma, with little success. She was an amazing woman that truly shaped my life, and died when I was 18. When I realized I couldn’t be like her, I actually wept. I knew I had to live my own life, or continue to feel the failure of trying to be someone else. Eventually, I came to the thought that she was amazing because she was so very her. I decided the best way to honor her memory was to be so very me.
I thought I had been doing that, I truly did. Then I read a book called ‘Whole Again’ by Jackson Mackenzie, for a totally different reason, and traits I picked up from my Mom started standing out. Once again, she was an amazing woman, because she was so very her. This time, I wasn’t consciously trying to imitate her, I just picked up some of her traits as a child. I only now see how far from my own path these traits are.
I started realizing some of my reactions weren’t even my own, but they sure sounded a lot like my Mom. After I gathered together some of the seemingly unsolvable inner conflicts, I could see clearly the conflict was in trying to live her path, as well as my own. We have very different paths. Both beautiful, but very different. She died in 2010, but I’m quite sure she would want me to be fully me.
Even our numerology points to different life work. She was fiercely independent, while I am here to work in partnership with others. She had a lot of struggle with authority and power, but probably due to all her inner work, I don’t have that one. The part in the book that tipped me off was about codependency. She had issues with it, while I have always felt I have two voices in my head on that one. Makes sense now. Her voice, and my voice.
When these dots aligned, I felt such a wave of energy through my body. Warm, and happy, and light, with lots of giggles. It’s like my body said “Finally! Welcome home!” Listen to your body. It knows more than we do, and it’s always trying to steer us toward our path. If your body isn’t healthy and happy, really make an effort to see where your ego or subconscious is out of alignment with your path. And when you find your way back, plan on purging the old. I haven’t had nightmares in years, but this past week has been like my subconscious is vomiting. Really unpleasant dreams.
The healing never ends. We just do what we can with the layer we’re on. Keep reading. Keep taking classes. Keep doing the work of remembering who you truly are. Everything we do brings us closer to our unique path.
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