Reframing how we remember an event is essential. With a little distance, we can see a bigger picture, and decide which role to carry forward. Were you a victim, or a survivor? reframing doesn’t usually happen in the moment, at least not at first. While (and shortly after) an event it’s more important to feel everything that comes up. We must feel, before we can release. But down the road… how do you remember it?
Before we start reframing personal events, I want to consider basic life assumptions. “Life is always supposed to make me happy”and “If I’m not happy, I must be doing it wrong” are two of the biggest lies we have been sold. Life was never meant to make us happy, but to make us aware. The more aware we become, the easier it is to be happy, but still, the point of the game is awareness.
The other big lies that needs reframing are “I will reach the goal of happiness” and “Why haven’t I reached a static state of happiness yet?” Otherwise known as destination addiction. Let me clear this up: Life is never in stasis, it is always changing, either in growth or decline. Additionally, the only time we “arrive” in a mortal existence is when we arrive in the grave. Until you are dead, you will be living, which involves constant change.
The point is this: Stop beating yourself up about not “being happy” all the time, or not “being there” yet. There is always a deeper level of awareness, always room for growth. Just like eating and drinking regularly to sustain the body, we need to regularly, and consciously, digest our thoughts and emotions. That’s all. Reframe how you think about the purpose and mechanics of life, and see what happens.
Now we can take reframing to a more personal lever. Reframing is NOT avoidance. Do not use this technique to avoid dark feelings, or justify an abusive person. After you have fully experienced the emotion of the event, healed the wound, adjusted boundaries as needed, and moved on, you can then decide how to remember it. This applies to everything from hurt feelings up to physical attack.
I know several people who were sexually molested as children. That situation is never okay, and always leaves a scar. As children, they are always the victims of the predators in their lives. As adults, the ones who have released self-blame and victim mentality are more healthy and happy. They aren’t denying it happened, or justifying the abuser, but the trauma no longer defines them. They have moved from victim to survivor.
Our experiences color our lives, but how we choose to remember them is what defines us. It’s okay to have a really rough event, and become the hero that rises above it. It’s so much easier to be the survivor, rather than the perpetual victim. You write your own story. Make yourself a superstar.
Again, the point of life is awareness, not happiness. What do you have in your past that disappointed your happiness meter? What awareness can you gain, looking at the event in hindsight? What gifts of awareness have resulted later in life? Once you can view it with a little distance… It’s worth reviewing your memories. Look at your life events through new eyes, in a new context.
What can you release? How different is your life with a little reframing? You are stronger than anything you have encountered. Remember that. Allow yourself to reclaim your strength.
A special thank to those who have donated – it really helps! If this info is helpful, you can follow my blog (lower right side of page) to have posts delivered to your inbox, or you can follow me on Facebook. You may also enjoy my books, Waking Up Indigo and Walking In Both Worlds, available at Amazon!