Finding Integrity

Image by Hands off my tags! Michael Gaida from Pixabay

It has been an intense time for epiphanies. I probably brought some of that on myself by meditating on what I need to change to get on the highest timeline for my life. Turns out, I need to use my words. Oh, the irony. I learn a lot from watching other people, so I want to share this piece of my journey in the hope it will spark something in you.

My definition of “integrity” is when thoughts, words, and deeds are all aligned. Many people have a disconnect between their words and their deeds – lots of talk with no action. I’m good there; if I say it, it’s going to happen. The place I was out of whack was between my thoughts and my words. I was working under the assumption that my thoughts were only in my head, thus totally under my control. In reality, my thoughts were there to guide me, and needed to be taken seriously.

For example, I have been accused (really by only one person, now that I think of it) of being too rigid and controlling. In an effort to be more “easy going” I have fallen into a pattern of saying, “No worries,” when I really mean, “I’ll get over it, but please don’t make it a habit.” If people are under the impression that I don’t mind a certain behavior, of course they are going to make it a habit.

This new habit they are displaying, which I don’t like but have voiced no objection to, becomes tiresome and unsustainable. Eventually, I just leave the situation. I find myself alone (again), which is my personal flavor of self-sabotage. My self-sabotage is directly caused by my lack of communication. Again, the irony!

The other piece of this puzzle comes from projecting my needs. I thrive when I feel secure in my relationships, so I strive to make others feel secure. For me, security means consistency, dependability, and emotional responsibility (not throwing their baggage at me). Security may not be a issue for others in my life, and providing it definitely doesn’t guarantee it will be returned.

Additionally, providing others with an environment of safety and security, without boundaries and expectation, usually results in a lack of growth. We all grow faster when we are less comfortable, or at least challenged to meet a mark. By not verbalizing my needs, I am basically hurting people around me. I have seen people get more and more destructive in search of a boundary. I really should have learned this lesson before now. Most of this is information I already had, but this is the first time it came into a strait line to my own self-sabotage. The layers of human psychology are fascinating!

For the first day of this revelation I was a bit shell-shocked, with no idea of how to proceed. It has now been 48 hours, and it feels totally natural to say what I actually mean. I think awareness was the important part, not implementation. The point being, just sit with your revelations for a bit, and they will work themselves into your reality. It only takes effort if you resist. All these shift are just bringing us into personal integrity.

If this info is helpful, you can follow my blog (lower right side of page) to have posts delivered directly to your inbox. You may also enjoy my books, Waking Up Indigo, Walking In Both Worlds, and What’s Next, available at Amazon, both in paperback and on Kindle. Love donations welcome and appreciated via PayPal (donate button). Please feel free to share and re-post these writings… we are all just walking each other home.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Finding Integrity

  1. Annette says:

    ‘Oh the irony’, indeed!!

    I’ve just gone through this, and I can totally relate!! Thanks, this helped a lot!!

    “integrity” this definition is perfect, I had said to a certain family member when I finally was able to verbalize it, “I’m receiving mixed messages”, I was then told that I have a few screws loose.

    It’s all good, the relationship was destined to end, and the freedom I feel is beyond words, and now, I believe her growth can happen.

    The month of June, oh my, so much released. 💖

    Liked by 1 person

  2. NathaJay says:

    Thank you for sharing your experience! I just love to hear how this stuff is playing out for others.


    • Annette says:

      You’re welcome, it really is interesting how it all works out for the highest good of all concerned.

      I’ve just ordered your book, Walking In Both Worlds, looking forward to reading it today. 😉

      All the best to you Natha.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. NathaJay says:

    All the best to you, as well. Hope you enjoy the book!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.