I know we are all feeling the weight of 2020 upon us like a wet woolen cloak, but this isn’t the only reason it feels so heavy. We are heading into completely new territory as a whole, and things that used to work no longer do. Am I depressed? Did my thyroid quit? Oh wait… this feels reminiscent of falling into the void. Ego death.
At the end of 2008, I experienced a sudden ego death, which I call surfing the void. I wouldn’t recommend losing the ego suddenly like that. It was incredibly jarring, and it took a good seven years to get my feet under me again. This time, as a collective, the ego is slowly dissolving. Much better plan. It has been thinning for several years, but it has finally reached the end of its existence.
We all know people who are so ego-bound you can’t even talk to them. But if you look closely, they are having to spend an unusual amount of energy propping up this facade. The ego structure hasn’t been supported for some time, making people who live there dig in their heels to try to hold it up. Now, the energies are actively washing away the ego structure, like waves erasing footprints on the beach. Yes, some will hold out as long as possible, but the weight of the struggle will eventually bring surrender, and peace.
I find it hard to write, just because there really isn’t much to say on the other side of ego. I have a hard time getting too excited about anything, good or bad. Then I drop back into ego-life, and feel the waves crashing against me, making me small and vulnerable. I don’t shift back and forth on purpose. It just happens with the shifting energy. The ego feels angry or scared, while the ego-less feels blissful and complete.
Along with bliss, there’s a lot of wanting to just be. Sitting in the sun, reading a book, watching dogs play. Without the ego, there simply isn’t a driving force. For now. I suspect we will get a new set of motivations shortly. But the old motivations – usually money, or power, or fame – no longer have the hold they once did. Freedom and sovereignty. We finally get to see what humans were meant to be.
The old ways won’t work, even on a personal level. How ever you used to motivate yourself will no longer work, if it was tied to the ego. For me, service to others is all that still resonates with me. That’s why I write. I want you to know you aren’t alone. We are all witnessing the birth of a new humanity. We were built for this, and we are here at this time for a reason. We are loved and supported in higher realms, more than we can comprehend. Remember that.
As we venture into this new way of being, be gentle with yourself. When you drop back into the ego state, don’t “should” all over yourself (I “should” be doing, thinking, acting differently). This is the inevitable evolution at work, you can’t do it wrong. The smoothest transition is just to release resistance. Let go. Yes, the laundry still needs to be washed, but does it have to happen right now? How many things do we force into being? Forcing will get harder. Wait for the wave of inspiration, then ride it. Let the energy carry you. Ride the wave of the future.
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[inserts ego] Haha! Thank you. Sitting in a comfy chair & contemplating the anxiety that arises upon doing nothing. Now I have a name for that anxiety!
Right? This feeling like just being isn’t enough, and I really need to be doing more. It’s a roller coaster, for sure!
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