I was having a discussion yesterday about self-worth and determining worth in the world. They are very different things, and upon examination, I think I have found where the confusion lies. First off, either detach the word “worth” from anything external (money, popularity, other people’s opinions, etc.) or find a different word that you can use to represent internal energy.
Worth is inherent. Your soul is always worthy of any exterior happiness, just by being. You never have to earn worth, nor can you work hard to get more. It’s just there. Every breath we take fills us all equally with the loving energy of existence.
Value, on the other hand, is about external interaction. You can use your free will to better yourself, or tear down others. You can choose to be a health nut or a hedonist. You get to decide what energy you bring to the world. Do you bring love or fear? Do you bring anger or peace? Do you leave people feeling hopeful or dismal? Most importantly, are you aware of the energy you spread?
Here’s where I think the sticky part happens: On some level we all want to live up to our potential, so when we choose a lower value option, our self-worth suffers. We forget that worth is independent of our choices and mistakes. We forget that we can choose differently, to bring our value closer to our potential. We forget that we can always make different choices, while our worth is unaffected.
Just because most of the world is familiar with these two people, let’s look at Barack Obama and Donald Trump. I can feel the buttons being pushed. I really need you to step away from politics, policies, and party lines. I am only using these people as examples because most of us are familiar with their personalities, or public display of energy. I don’t care who you voted for. That said, even thinking about Trump likely caused a visceral reaction, either pro or con. Trump’s energy is very triggering. Obama (not necessarily his politics) is naturally more calming.
Without either one being right or wrong, can you feel how completely different their energies are? Try this exercise with people in your own circle. Feel how some people leave you feeling refreshed, while others leave you feeling drained? You may love them all, but they bring different energy to the party. That’s value. They are all worthy (internal) of the best love and life have to offer, but their value (external) lies in the energy they spread.
Don’t misunderstand me – we all have bad days. You are totally allowed to feel what you feel. The value is in how you express the feeling. Do you say, “I’m angry today, I need to be alone,” or do you say, “You make me angry!” Throwing your baggage at someone is always a choice. If you are in a toxic relationship, it is your responsibility to leave, rather than blame.
Just a note on frequency – like attracts like. It’s hard to tell what kind of energy we are spreading, because we are always with us. Sometimes it’s best to look at our circle to see where we are. Are you surrounded by narcissists or addicts? It doesn’t mean you are one, but it does mean something you carry resonates with that level of existence. I used to attract addicts of all sorts until I cleared the victim mentality from my field. I still love my addicted friends, but we aren’t as close (without setting new boundaries).
When I have a low-value day, my worth is still intact. Really spend some time pondering the difference. If you understood your worth is a given, who would you be? What kind of energy would you spread in the world? What habits would you keep, and what would you change? We can make all kinds of choices about how our value impacts the world, but we are always worthy.
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