I had a major meltdown in March, at the equinox. I’m not special, just early. Talking with others, it is now hitting more people. It feels uncertain and overwhelming. All the illusions of who you were, on the most basic personality level, are being shown and removed. It is part of our becoming new. Part of the embodiment process.
The old illusions crumbling on the world stage are generally see with hope, even if they’re messy. When it happens on a personality level, it’s just distressing. Suddenly, you can see, with acute clarity, all the lies you have based your entire life on. Codependency was hit hard for me. I imagine it’s flip-side, narcissism, is also feeling the tremor of truth. Codependency is marked by always shifting your behavior in order to sooth others, a life of martyrdom in the guise of service. Narcissism is expecting others to change in order to make you happy, a life devoid of service. Most people’s outdated personalities are a mixture of the two. The two sides of dysfunction spinning and weaving the illusion.
Now that the light of truth is dissolving the old, personality dysfunction is on the chopping block. The problem is, who are you now? How can you relate with others? It feels like everything is a lie. For weeks, when I would try to relate to others, every falsity (formerly normal interaction) felt glaringly obvious. I had to build a whole new interface, both inward and outward. It wasn’t easy. On the other side of it, I can tell you it’s worth it. I feel so much more real and light than I ever have.
How it looked for me was first emotional, then confusing, then clean. I spent a whole day crying when my personality started to crack. Of course, I didn’t know what was happening, and thought I was hurting from a friend ghosting me. That was a real thing, but my reaction went on and on, deeper and deeper. So if you have an extreme and prolonged reaction to something, that event probably just started a bigger process. After the emotion passed, I felt hollow and confused. It took weeks to fully integrate the changes. After all, I’d been practicing this dysfunction my whole life.
Eventually, clarity came. So clean and new and open. The truth of my personality is much lighter than the illusion. Service is easy and clear. Boundaries are uncomplicated. The concept of trust is much more internal – I trust myself and my path completely, with little worry about trusting others. I feel much more sovereign. I feel more stable, and able to hold that space for humantiy. My need for control over life is gone. I am a different person, in such beautiful ways.
How do you navigate this? As a loving witness. Let yourself change. Support yourself in this process. Good food, lots of rest, and feel all the feelings that come up. At the start of this, the feelings are intense. Remember, if you allow the feelings to flow through you they can leave. Suppressed feelings get stuck in the body, causing physical issues later on. Witness your own becoming, like watching a child grow. Stay out of judgement by being curious about who you will be. Let go of everything. Transformation requires empty space. You won’t stop being you, you will finally be who you actually are. This is what we came here for. We’re built for this.
On a side note, I had an interesting pineal gland activation last night. I woke in the middle of the night because of a bright light. I was awake with my eyes still closed wondering what the light was from. I finally decided to go look for the source. When I opened my eyes, it was dark. Sudden contrast between eyes closed light, and eyes open dark. I knew immediately the light was my third eye. How much fun is that? I love the world we’re stepping into!
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